I'm too old for this shit. So you know what this is about, its just about me trying to get my shoes. This is over facebook.... I'm.. fucking.. Astounded..... I'll admit its been a while since I've talked to her and I could've gotten my shoes long ago but shit happens and I didn't I basically just wrote on her facebook asking about them and immediately she jumps into fuck this fuck that mode and goes all apeshit on her language before taking me off her friends list.

I'm half amused and just stunned for the fact that people behave the way she does. I'm.. Not impressed, just amazingly sorry for those that have to deal with her.

Wow. Thats pretty much all I have to say after every thing that she wrote me. 


Me: "Gaaaugh! HEELS! lol. Must... get.. back..."
Her: "Dude if you want them, fucking walk your ass down the street and get them. I'm not hand delivering shit YOU forgot in my car."
Me: "where are you now? I've lost track of you and you fell down the rabbit hole."
Her: "same fucking place. you could've done it oooh...between now or 8 months ago? figure it out"
Me: "damn woman, calm your mouth. It sounds like you are either pmsing or you need to get laid sorely. And neither are attractive traits to have.
 
Last place I remember you living at was in Somerville, but I know you moved out to Allston. I never went to your place there so I have no clue as to where you are at. If I ever had your address its long gone since I lost my phone. And your number. Among other things in life."


Her: "Hahaha neither actually, you need to stop wishing you were getting laid by my boyfriend. I scooped him up. And now he fucks me. Beggary aint that hot either, but he loves my all my traits. By the way no one tells my mouth what to do, think twice idiot."
Me: Err.. who said I wanted Pete? O.o Damn people need to stop making shit up about me.

Wow Jessie.. That's all I have to say. lmfao.
Her: You said it. Right before I said I wanted him, and got him. No one talks about you. Don't worry about it.
Me: "Damn woman. What the hell is wrong with you? "
Her: "Nothing at all. 100% perfect, you're just annoying."

I can understand why she doesn't keep friends around.

Someday I will update you guys on my life. I just don't have much time to do it.

Kinda.

ugh.

I feel like whenever I write or post on here he somehow manages to contact me a moment beforehand. What the hell is up with that?

P.S. I'm tempted to become a field medic for the miliary

I think I'm starting to like someone. *DUN DUN DUNNN*

Anyway, during class today my teacher did a Xiphoid process release on me, then finished up with releasing my diaphragm..

My whole body was sweating, my teeth were clenched, my whole legs were curling and I clenched my eyes shut and concentrated on trying to relax my body through the pain. The change in my body was incredible! I was completely congested and tight in my Xiphoid process (fascia).. If you felt it then and then feel it now.. Amazing.. Just wow.

He said that typically the reason why that area gets so congested (more so the lings actually) is due to stress and grieving and I wouldn't be suprised if that is true.

All I can say is that Pain = orgasmic at the moment. Every single time i start to sweat and clench my teeth and cringe from the pain that is caused in my body from these techniques.. I'm.. just smitten. lol. Especially since I feel an immediate difference in my body.

So yeah. Lets just say I'm extremely amazed and loving the fact that I have this class twice a week.

So Its been decided. I need to be on stage. Stat. Whether it be dancing or singing, or acting.. Ohhh.. I missed it.

Last night I went to the Horrorpops concert by my lonesome and I checked out the merch table... The drummer to the horrorpops let me know that no one would be there for a bit so we chatted up. Since I was early he told me that I should go drink a few to get nice and drunk for the show and I pointed out the fact that.. Well If I got drunk NOW then what that would mean, is the fact I'd be sleepy and exhausted by the time they got on (mind you it was going to be a 2 hour wait)

So he offered a place by his drum kit for me to sit and rest my little tush. I let him know that if he wanted me up there he could always just call me up and so on the end "encore song" Patricia day yelled out that she needed dancers since the girls were not there. So guess who got on stage per drummers choice? Oh.. yeah.

I shook my ass and danced like it was no tomorrow.

I loved it. Though Im more then sure I danced like an ass.. I was in heaven. Dancing on stage WITH the fucking horrorpops? HELL YEAH. lol. She gave me a hug and a kiss at the end and I was just... in happy land. Throughout the night thats all I felt was.. disbelief and whatnot.

OH good gracious. I love the horrorpops. My whole thing about the band? Well you know when you go through a hard time and you are going slightly insane over life.. well.. there is always something or at least for me, there is always a cd or an artist I would listen to almost exclusively to get ober things or help the process along. Or even to dwell in the moment.

The horrorpops was that band for me 11 months ago.

So you can imagine how much more that means to me lol.

that I just finished watching sex lies and videotape (correct movie? I forget already)

And I can't stop thinking about it. It's very true... It hurts regardless if you are wronged. But when they lie to you about it and you find out, its even worse.

I can still taste it. Regardless if I am immersed in whatever I am now, no matter how much joy it brings in my life and how much it takes away from the thought.. When I'm alone.. It all just comes back.

and I just remember.

So I have always wanted to own my own bookstore or library since I was a little kid.. and this bookstore in Harvard is hiring (hopefully still)... Since I'm not making enough money as I should honestly be, the temptation to join the bookstore and just work there is too great. I think I will go tomorrow and fill out an application.

Who knows.. Maybe it'll be a better time then working at where I currently am at..

:X

Good luck to me!

So I went alone to Cringe last night and had a good ol' time listening to peoples stories. I was laughing my ass off til tears came down my face. Regardless of the fact that I was alone and I felt like I was going to get mugged at any time in the dark in Jamaica Plain..... It was a blast O.o. Afterwards I headed back home for the end of the debate and just sat there, bored. I was surrounded by my room mates and their friends. I ended up just heading downstairs and curling up and falling asleep. I wasn't feeling good anyways and ended calling out today from work.

Something seem wrong with this picture? Or is it just me... lol

Lately the only thing that i've been looking forward to is texts from my anatomy boy and messages from some guy that plays for a big band that I listen to which I think is cute. So sad.

I miss school. All this free time sucks.

If you're on my friends list, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine... you're on my list, so I want to know you better!

Comment here and repost a blank one on your own journal.


01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
27) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

I've been getting better at self waxing.

*pats own back*

sex to me.

Peter Fox: Alles Neu - VIDEOPREMIERE NEU


I wish I knew what he was saying but... it doesn't matter.

So I almost have everything down pat in my head on what I want to do in life and where I want to go after school. Maybe I don't have EVERYTHING exactly planned but at least I have the next step in the works.

I know this is going to sound a little stupid and crazy, but I want to move down to Colorado.. Wait what? Yeah. After school is done and if I can get myself to finally save money (yeah I know, thats a major challenge with the way I am living) I want to skiedaddle over to Colorado so I can go to Rolf'ing school. Maybe I will get around to sticking a bit in Boston for a few just to save up and pay off a bit of my loans beforehand but, thats the plan. If anything, if work is going to be an issue,m i looked up sephora in that area and there is one RIGHT next to the school I want to go to. The really huge challenges I see is going to be a) moving of course and b) getting a car for this. I'll have to look into how much I will have to save up for car payments and also how much insurance costs.

Housing in Denver/Boulder Colorado isn't as bad as Boston, and by the looks of it you get MORE out of your money for a $600 apartment if you need one. I mean its not as cheap as Arizona, but thats where my school of choice lies so I can't exactly complain about that. Another thing as well, CO is know for the springs so, if anything, there should be a great Spa buisness popping about so I am really looking forward to getting my liscense and my hands on a job as a masseuse there.

I mean, in reality I know that I wont be able to move there immediately from boston but, in the meantime, while I am saving up money I can always do Continuing ed classes and learn more modalities while I build up my bank/income. I also have GREAT resources here in boston (as far as teachers and friends who are in the field that I can learn from and exchange services with) so the opportunities here while I gather everything up will be endless.

Who knows, with the way things are running I may just move to Boulder for a few years (3 tops?) and get my ass back to either Boston, Chicago or even Arizona if my mom is still living there.

I'll definitely need to look into the loan system further and see if I would need to pay off as much as possible while I take my mini "break" or if I can stack it with the massage therapy school.

Sooo many things to look at and do in my free time from my school break. But to me, its just getting me excited as to what is to come in life.


(Location of school and sephora if worse comes to worse)
Craigslist : Boulder : Denver (36 minutes away from school)

So I'm kind of stuck as far as where I should go from here. I was tempted to take a quarter off because I know my workload will get extremely hectic the next few months so I was thinking of just taking a semester off on school. OR what I could do is just move on with it. I think I should move on with it and pay the rest of the semester in cash (via the rents)which will make me graduate in June and then after that?

I was actually looking into getting into Rolfing. Or getting into a gross anatomy class before I do rolfing and then continue on from there with more continued education. That would make me 26 and with a massage therapist license at... 26.. Then maybe get back into actual school (while continuing on with the Continued education required to stay as a massage therapist) and get my general education classes all filled out and head off and become a psychology researcher or even do something along the lines of medicine or Physical Therapy (or even anatomy). One of the students at our school is an actual physical therapist and whenever she describes what she does, I want to learn more.

Damn, there are so many things I want to get my hands on, its just getting there and getting off my ass which is the hard part. I still feel mentally bogged down and of course, I know I am being lazy too so.. I don't know what will jump start my motor. I've been trying to read more books but I know I'm not in the best health mentally and physically so I guess I have a place to start definitely.


*sigh*

Lately I've been trying to work out my brain whenever possible... by reading non fiction books/psychology magazines/etc. Seeing how much research is going on out there and what people are finding is always great..

I still need to get more done in school though, and as time flies by my procrastination bites me in the ass.

Work as usual is stressing me out but thankfully I will be able to talk to one of the higher ups that I get along with so well with this upcoming Monday. So I will have to write all the things bugging me out and then confront her with my issues and then hopefully things will change. I doubt it but we can always hope so.

I'm still amazingly exhausted. In fact, after this sentence I think I'm going to pamper myself just a bit, clean up my never ending mess and then tuck myself into bed for an early work shift.

Fun times.

Maybe I will come back a bit to further drain out all that is in my brain. Sounds like a good plan.


-------------------------

ok so I couldn't quite contain myself. Well namely because i threw on one of those masks that you'd have to wait a bit for it to dry and I'm talking to Nina on AIM. Which by the way, wow, Dermadoctor as per usual has never failed to impress me. They made this 10% sulfur mask and it smells AMAZING for a 10% sulfur mask. The actual scent of it reminds me of one of those lush stores and its really elevating/relaxing my mood.  It just came into the store today and its not even on the shelf so, I feel like a princess right now, haha.  SEPHORA COMMERCIAL!

Anyway....

Now I really don't have anything meaningful to say... at this moment so I'll just fade off and do some chores.

writers block. I had something that I wanted to write about but as soon as I got home i fell out of the mood.

Lately work has been really stressing me out but I have been separating my time at home with my work. Also my time with school. They are all separate and I just stop thinking of both when I walk out. I need to do it to keep me sane, As soon as I got home today I went to the bathroom (to take care of my buisness) and i felt like my head was just filled with gunk. My ears were buzzing and I just felt so stuffy in the brain that it made me wonder what the hell I could do to cure the ailment. I felt almost sick and feverish but at the same time healthy? I know thats a strange combination....

Someday I will write about my stresses at both but just not now. I need to go take care of myself a bit before i head into the STC and perform my best on 3 clients (if i have 3 booked).

Lets hope for the best.

OH and when I was walking back from Horror 77 this guy called me gorgeous. Unfortunately not the type of guy I want calling me gorgeous (why is it always the ghetto boys who have no class or seem like they have a brain? I know.. i'm being judgemental but still...)  I don't know why (actually i have a clue) but whenever i think of a guy I just get so disgusted. I miss the sex that the relationship would bring of course, but anything else? DISGUSTING. I'm not too desperate to sleep with just about anyone who offers, but I do miss the whole snuggling and cuddling thing. I just miss the physical aspect of it and the intellectual aspect of being able to have some kind of mental connection with someone and a strong stable foundation to go to them and kinda spout stuff and have enough respect and trust that they would be able to offer me advice that would be helpful. Ok. the second part I can get through a friend but the first part... is a little different.

I don't know. I think I loss love for myself honestly and i need to regain it. Thats what Im starting to think it all boils down to.

More later.. I don't have time to dwell *sigh* Need to get ready for school.

so its rather strange. I have so much to say but when I stare at the blank screen before me....

I don't know what to type.

... since i've started writing anything about my life. Okay, maybe I lied.  A few things here and there within my hard drive lurk from the times that I've gone crazy from the breakup, but thats it. Unless its been for my damn ethics class which digs WAY too deep into my brain and reminds me of my pains.... I haven't seen or found another form of release that has ever matched to what writing down on an open journal has. No other form of tangible release of emotions or thoughts.. Its all been bottled up in my head to only wither away.

    So as for my situation right now? I finally changed into a non sales position and am dealing with the operation end of things at my store which has gone pretty well. I work mornings at the hours that I have always wanted (of course every once in a while it gives so that I have to work at some inane weird time but thats retail) but with the added stress of extra responsibilities that just pile up and I see no end to. Projects and tasks line up every single day and every day i feel a bit overwhelmed by it all. It looks easy from the outside looking in, but when it comes down to it, selling out on the floor is a cake walk compared to what i have to deal with.

    So work has become a major stress factor regardless of how much I kinda do enjoy it... 

    My sex life? None existant. Though the cobwebs seem to be popping up and now i just see it as a chemical/emotional need to be fufilled.. I couldn't see ever filling those needs with anyone less then what I would want physically and emotionally. Meaning.. One night stands are WAY out of the question at the momment and sex without any type of emotional feeling or plans without any type of future? I might as well go buy a prostitute, at least THEY are good at what they do because they get paid for it. But I wouldn't dream of it. I had a taste of a man whore (player.. whatever you want to call them) before and I want no part of it ever again. I think that experience has scarred me emotionally for life. No thanks. The last man I ever touched was on my massage table. Last man I touched intimately was a nice long kiss with a guy at the Sasquatch concert who (mind you) was EXTREMELY hot and had a labret (which looks horrible on most men because it makes them look girly but it STILL remains my favorite piercing out of sheer looks. I find it sexy). Nothing else. Just a long delicious kiss and I ran away because I had school the next day (how lame.. yeah. You know where my priorities lay now, hahaa) There have been interests but unfortunately as days progressed and as life went on I realized I was only one person that could only deal with so much on her mind so I let go. I don't think I could emotionally handle any of that at the moment with all that is going on in my life.

    Other then that I have school. Which I've been pretty much fluking because I've gotten too exhausted from work. Everything that travels into my ear flies right out the other now just because my mind is overworked with trying to figure out problems and also its vainly attempting to keep me sane. I'm thinking about investing on some dummy/demystified books on the subjects that I have the most challenge at and I'll try reading those in the mean time to help me out.

   In good news though, my relationship with my dad is becoming less and less stressed and my relationship with my mom is somewhat stregnthening in a strange sense. I may not talk to her a lot but I love them both now and can fully say that without any kind of regret. It was great going back to Las Vegas and seeing the both of them. I learned things about my mom and dad that makes me aspire to have not only the type of love that they have but it makes me look at them in a new light. I do have a worry added to my table just for the fact that I want to see them more before.. Well you know. They aren't young. The thoughts of moving back are tempting though I do want to have my freedom still. Who knows. Maybe in a few I will move to Cali or Arizona just to be close to them for as long as they remain. I mean of course the strain still is there between me and my dad but... its lessened and now I feel like I know I can go to him without problems. Hopefully in a few months I will be able to travel with the both of them back to the philippines to check it out. I am excited to see the country I once visited in my youth now as an adult. I am so "tourist-ing" myself out with my camera and exploring as much as possible. I mainly am excited for the part that I get to spend time with my parents and also I will be seeing my aunts grave. I remember when I talked to her about weither or now we would be able to visit it, I couldn't help but get all choked up. Its one of those things that I deffinitely want to do before I die. I need to pay my respects to the woman that raised me for the good beginnings of my life and left me the way she did. It still bugs me to this day and as weird as it sounds, it was a source for me in acting when I wanted to cry. If I ever wanted to cry out in a scene I would just think back to my aunt and the tears would start flowing. I know that sounds horrible but, hey, it led me there.

and that certainly isn't it but thats all i can write about now. Life isn't horrible but its just busy and I know I could be doing better at it but I don't know whats holding me back. Is it depression? Probably. We'll see.